You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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