She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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