Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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