is your mom at the bar?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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