where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
