I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
