You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize