so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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