Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
