I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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