mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
