the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
