I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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