Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
