worst night to have a conscience
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
