Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I cannot find my penis.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
