Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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