I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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