I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
