with your own penis?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
