ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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