1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm really into asian looking animals
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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