but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize