it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
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He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something