I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.