Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.