You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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