Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
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