do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
