I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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