Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This is the prime rib incident all over again
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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