dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize