You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize