look no pants
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
