If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
