ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
