You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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