I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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