Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
