we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
