Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
