you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
