So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i came on her dog
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
