dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
