Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
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