Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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