"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
