I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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