just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
