you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
