omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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