hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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