Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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