I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
