I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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