Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
