It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
