i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
