well I can't set my house on fire every night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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