Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
