I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
