I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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